After weeks of texts and promises to meet up for a third date, nothing. No emoji, like, or comment on your social media posts – just stone-cold silence.
Ghosting is the modern-day disappearing act. Navigating dating apps and casual relationships has become a frustratingly common experience.
Whether you’ve been ghosted, done the ghosting, or both, it can leave behind a mess of emotions and questions. In a college environment, being ghosted can be an intensely emotional experience.
Why do people ghost? And more importantly, how do we deal with the aftermath? Let’s break it down.
4 Reasons Why People Ghost
1. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
One of the most common reasons people ghost is to dodge uncomfortable conversations. Instead of saying, “Hey, I’m not feeling this,” some find it easier to vanish.
Verywell Mind says individuals often ghost because they want to avoid conflict or don’t know how to express rejection kindly.
2. Emotionally Overwhelmed
College life can feel like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle. Between school, part-time jobs, and social demands, some people shut down psychologically.
Ghosting becomes a way to simplify what you’re feeling. A study from PsyPost found that ghosters are often overwhelmed and struggle to manage their emotional bandwidth.
3. Fear of Hurting the Other Person
Ironically, ghosters sometimes believe they’re sparing someone’s feelings by disappearing.
It’s a flawed logic, but the idea is that no message is better than one that might hurt. According to The British Psychological Society, ghosters report feeling guilt or shame afterward, showing it’s not as thoughtless as it seems.
4. Swipe-and-Forget Culture
Dating apps create an endless buffet of potential matches. This abundance makes it easier to treat people as disposable.
Psychotherapist Cate Campbell explains in The Conversation that digital dating encourages behaviors like ghosting and breadcrumbing. It makes people more emotionally distant and less accountable.
How to Heal from Being Ghosted
It hurts. And it’s OK to admit that. Don’t rush to “get over it.”
Acknowledge what you’re feeling: anger, sadness, confusion. Give yourself time to process. Verywell Mind recommends journaling or confiding in someone you trust as a first step toward clarity.
We sometimes forget to practice self-compassion. Take care of yourself. If that means hitting the gym, making art, or rewatching your favorite comfort show, do what makes you feel grounded.
Resources offer anonymous chat support for students navigating emotional stress. Viranda suggests downloading a student chat app that allows anonymous conversations.
Therapy can help. Most campuses offer mental health services, or you can try online options. Remember, needing support doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human and it makes you feel heard.
Ghosting says more about them than it does about you. Maybe they lacked communication skills or emotional maturity. As PsyPost reports, many ghosters feel bad afterward, showing that their actions stem from avoidance, not your worth.
If seeing their stories pop up on Instagram reopens the wound, mute them. Not to be petty, but to protect your peace. Curating your digital space can help you move on without constant reminders.
What Happens When You’re Ghosted?
According to Psychology Today, ghosting can cause anxiety, low self-esteem, and even symptoms of grief.
Our brains crave resolution. That’s why being ghosted can feel so disorienting, leaving us without a story to tie things up. Closure is the one thing we desire, and when that’s not forthcoming, it does a number on us. We feel small, insignificant, and discarded like a McDonald’s wrapper.
The British Psychological Society found that people who need closure feel distressed after being ghosted. The silence intensifies their overthinking and self-doubt.
Ghosting doesn’t just hurt emotionally; it affects brain function, too. The Daily Mail reported that the brain reacts to ghosting similarly to physical pain. The confusion and rejection disrupt brain circuits related to trust, safety, and social connection.
Moving On From the Experience
Is it ever fine to ghost someone? It depends on the context and circumstances. If your safety is in question, then yes. The same applies if you feel like that person is disrespecting your boundaries.
You may be guilty of ghosting. However, you must break the toxic cycle.
Be honest. If it’s not working, send a quick, kind message. A simple “Hey, I’ve realized I’m not in the right headspace to continue this” goes a long way.
Think before you swipe. Are you genuinely looking to connect or just killing time?
Always remember the golden rule: Treat others how you’d want to be treated, even online. Don’t forget, one day too you might be ghosted.
